Do we know what love is?


The Grace of Paula Deen

The Grace of Paula Deen.




LOVE is beautiful, painful, curtails the food intake and is very expensive.

Dear E, My one and only Princess,

Many moons ago where the Flint River flows, you asked me; What is Love? It took me 4 months and 1 hour to come up with a reasonable answer and explanation. On the following two pages you have the result of my steaming brain. I hope you will accept the definition and the proof of your question and this will settle the theory behind our association for the next 2000 years.

What I believe love is… that love has no boundaries or reasons. It hits poor men, rich men, nobodies, and famous men. It comes without invitation and the will power is melting in its fury.

I can’t think of a higher plateau than our past president, who was upholding our constitution and was expected to set an example of propriety and decency for generations to follow. He was a man and strong and wise enough to change the course of history, to guide 200 million imbeciles and hold onto the highest job on this planet longer than any other mortal before him. He fought and conquered the greatest army of history and he pulled out 200 million idiots from the biggest depression ever. He made us the most richest and powerful nation on Earth and he kept our lunatic congressmen and old feeble corrupt senators in line. The armed forces, the politicians the money men and the whole world respected him and depended on his strength and wisdom. He conquered the most dreaded disease, infantile paralyses and won. Now if a man of this stature succumbs to LOVE and sets us the example, don’t you agree, that it should be not only good enough for us, but we should also be very proud and privileged to follow our beloved leaders footsteps.

Your answer to this subject will be greatly cherished by this here naturalized citizen of the United States of America.

I was introduced to love at age 12. We had an aunt that due to her monetary abundance was considered second to God in our family. One afternoon she visited our adobe. I was duly scrubbed and disinfected for this Holy and was installed in my little Lord Lord Fauntleroy outfit. We were sipping coffee and devouring cake, when she decided to show us some pictures of her saintly departed husband. She opened up her pocketbook and said, “I had a 20 dollar bill here when I came in, and it is missing now”. My mother signaled me to come in front of her; she put her hand in my pocket and came up with the missing 20-dollar bill. My aunt asked her “aren’t you going to punish him”? My mother said why? He was only playing Robin Hood. After God II left, my mother came into my room smiling from ear to ear. She said, “My son, I love you very very much”. Now isn’t true that all little and big people crave love very much? So you can assume that this was my greatest pleasure to hear. After all this was the first time in my short 12 years that my mother assured me verbally of the most wanted commodity; LOVE. She came over and kissed me passionately. And she repeated, “Yes my son I love you very very much, but I hate Robin Hood.” And with lightning speed she produced my fathers walking cane and in a split second she cracked my skull. It came to me like a revelation; LOVE is beautiful and very painful. That night when I dragged my aching body to the dinning table, there was no place setting for me, and my parents completely ignored my over producing saliva for food. I went back to my room hungry. The revelation came again; LOVE is beautiful, painful and curtails one’s food intake. I was growing up. Little later my father arrived in my room, with belt in hand. He had the same loving smile my mother had before. He said “my son, I want you to know that I love you very very much as your mother and we want you to remember all thru your life that our love for you is endless, but we also hate Robin Hood”. It took him about ten minutes hard work to back up this statement. When he left the room, he added, “we are suspending your allowance for the next six months” the revelation came again very clearly; LOVE is beautiful, painful, curtails the food intake and is very expensive.

The second time LOVE and I met was age 16. The object this time was a 14-year-old girl, who introduced me to mouth-to-mouth contact, also with great experience, visually only, made me aware of the difference between the two prevailing sexes. That evening I was walking home in a nice quite residential neighborhood using cloud #7 as transportation. When I turned around the dark corner and was cornered by three boys of more mature muscles than mine. After they made sure that I am the certain object of their intention, they fell upon me and made it clear that the punishment I was receiving is due to the fact that the 14-year-old girl is a private property of one of the three boys and I was trespassing. To make it more permanent in my memories; they took my money, watch and good luck charm. Here again I confirmed, after washing the blood from my face. The greatest revelation; that LOVE is beautiful, painful, curtails the food intake and is very expensive.

My last head on collision with LOVE was at age 58 on the button. This was about the most beautiful delirium LOVE can produce in human life. I am not allowed to enlighten the glorious details; it is still pending as long as I am able to duck father death.

Now I will have to prove beyond the reasonable doubt, that this here last LOVE is real LOVE as love was created and meant to be.

As we know the human mind gathers his knowledge and information his reason and his deduction his proof of assurance from past performance and experience. And this was the reason why on the previous page I elaborated so efficiently on my first two LOVE encounters.

We have seen on the preceding page that there are four elements that are vitally necessary to recognize true LOVE. LOVE is painful, LOVE is beautiful, LOVE is very expensive and finally LOVE curtails the food intake.

Well my last LOVE I am speaking of in this paragraph is the most beautiful specimen and human being ever to have had the good fortune to encounter. The girl is “unique”, and I am using the word “unique” in all due respect and honesty. She is beautiful, kind; understanding, intelligent and a true lady as far as true ladies go. When she kisses it is the delirium of the universe”.

So you see LOVE is beautiful!

Love is painful; Very! In the past three months since we first were shot dead by cupid’s arrow, she cracked my skull with a baseball bat exactly three times. Which of course is par for the course. The first time on the phone she bashed my head in with, you are seducing me through the mail. The second time she did not follow the truth in her confession and when the truth came to light, she cracked my skull wide open. The third time I voiced my opinion of not calling her on the phone two days in a row, she got after me with the same baseball bat in a hurry. I have to admit she gets real sorry after each blow and in no time washes my wound and kisses the pain away. So you can see the second proof; LOVE is very painful, is hereby proven.

LOVE is very expensive. NO comment, but proof supplied at slightest doubt in request of reader.

LOVE curtails the food intake. Now anybody who set foot in the town where this baseball wielding lady lives by no choise, knows that their town is not famous of edible food. Just the contrary. So from self-defense and to preserve the sanity of the stomach, people who have to visit that there town will have to refrain from food intake as much as possible and use food only for self-preservation, but never for enjoyment. So you can see that the 4th condition to prove LOVE exists.

Well the final conclusion of this story is that my last LOVE is real since all 4 elements are present and prevailing. And may I say that I am very happy and satisfied. This is the finest experience in LOVE and I pray and hope to keep it that way. I have no complaints only happiness and gratefulness and pleasure.